Monday, August 10, 2015

I never know where to start . . . .


I never know just where to start . . . so I'm jumping in again . . . . don't I always say that.   I don't aspire to be one of those bloggers who makes a million dollars imparting my knowledge on mankind, so it doesn't matter where I start or finish.  This is about me.  My selfish minute to pound away at the keyboard and just purge my mind of shit.  Shit, shit and more shit.  

I stopped blogging.  For a long while.  It appeared to me that I attracted the wrong audience and given my readers, I couldn't be myself.   Then, an a-ha moment.  I don't want readers.   I never really wanted readers.  I wanted what I just said.  So I took this thing and put it together in a word document.  And I just typed.   Someday, I'll have to insert that into the missing years.  

But not now.  Now, I'm starting somewhere and picking up nowhere . . . . 

The end. 

And a new beginning . . . . 


I never thought I would hear myself say . . .

"Son, two things you don't do into the wind . . . spit and piss."

This, as our car is barreling up Austin Bluffs, he spit into the wind, the wind caught it and splattered chunky hunks of phlegm and slobber across his little sister's face.  

Sigh.

The things you say to a son . . . .

Friday, June 05, 2015

The Knots Prayer

Dear God:
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart, and my life.
Remove the have notes, the can nots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots, may nots, might nots that may find a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots, would nots, and should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart and my life all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough.  Amen.

I like it.

IDK where it is from to give credit, but I like it . . . . I probably pinned it or took it from social media.

Kids, read this at my funeral.

Death is nothing at all.  It does not count.  I have only slipped away into the next room.  Nothing has happened.  Everything remains exactly as it was.  I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.  Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.  Call me by the old familiar name.  Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.  Put no difference into your tone.  Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.  Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.  Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.  Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.  Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.  Life means all that it ever meant.  It is the same as it ever was.  There is absolute and unbroken continuity.  What is this death but a a negligible accident?  Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?  I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.  All is well.

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

I really should be packing.
Leaving can be very stressful.
I have a sick kid at home today.
My friend got unlimited texting today.
It has rained buckets the last two days.
The backyard is a mud bog and I don't want to let the dog out.
Today I learned the female pinecones contract and close up when it is raining.

Monday, May 04, 2015

I care

 I make sandwiches. And omelettes. To show that I care, this is what I do ..... I make sandwiches and omelettes. My children will probably remember me for making sandwiches and  omelettes.