I haven't been blogging much lately. I think everyone takes a break from time to time. I think some reasons came to me late last night. Or maybe it was early. Point is . . . I miss blogging. I really like blogging. My cluttered mind needs blogging. Or writing, at least, but I don't write with pen & paper anymore and have few fun projects for creative expression . . . so being a smart ass blogger with opinions is my creative outlet.
During my period of convalescing, I've been watching TV. I love TV anyway, but I'm intrigued by creepy criminal shows. Criminal Minds is what I'm talking about. I love the psycho killer twist, but I'm intrigued, that's the perfect word with the WHY? I would have been a good profiler. Let me be clear: I would have been a good guy. I think it's fascinating. So a recent show was about these two families with fairly large social footprints whose lives appeared "perfect" thus making them a target for this deranged lunatic who kidnapped the entire family and revealed all of their secrets to each other, then spared the young sons but made the family watch as he murdered the rest of the family members. Ooh-ooh, creepy. Made me consider the size of our social footprint and therefore turn down the velocity at which I churn out blog posts.
And with that cheery bit of inspiration, I'll move onto politics. Seriously? I despise politics. I also really hate the time around elections because everything media outlet is so chock-full of negative comments and mudslinging. I'm tired of politics. I'm tired of the name calling and mudslinging. It's a bad example for our young people. It's bad, all of it. It's a prime example of all the things I aspire NOT to be. Here's my ONE political opinion, my ONE contribution to the Facebook community this week:
I'm still undecided about the election so if you wouldn't mind posting hateful half-truths from unverified sources about the candidate you hope will lose, it would really help me out.
Again, I repeat. I hate politics. Even my innocent young son is beginning to spout the bullshit ramblings and quote his own father, who has a strong political view. I'm fine with an opinion, even it I don't agree, but I don't usually like to hear it. It's just not worth fighting over. It's exhausting.
Cheery wouldn't be cheery without more, more, more . . .
I'm on to the Jessica Rideway case. A suspect in custody. He confessed to his mother and she turned him in to police. He is SEVENTEEN. Seven-friggin'-teen!! What? Isn't this the third recent arrest of a minor for a terrible, unthinkable crime? I'm stunned and struck and amazed and frozen. I keep thinking about Jessica's mom . . . . how her heart must have sunk when she got a voicemail that was, uh, 8 hours old saying her kid hadn't made it to school. I keep thinking about the school system and how to fix that or upgrade it or make it better. Surely that's coming. I keep thinking about the bad-guy confessing to HIS mother that he killed a little girl. Who does that? I can't seem to keep my own projections of out it. In my house right now, my teenie-bopper girl is in a phase where she comes home from school and has a 15 minute confessional-slash-debriefing about her day. She sits on the counter and eats peanut butter out of a jar and she verbally expels pieces of her day. It's how she prioritizes her homework and takes a breather before she dives in again. But I can't keep that image out of my head . . . of the bad-kid, plunked up on his mom's kitchen counter, eating peanut butter out of a jar and saying in the same nonsensical tone that Big says, "oh, I need cookies for the NJHS bake sale on Thursday . . . and Mr. Miller said not everyone can bring chocolate chip" . . . . except this seventeen year old psychopath says, "oh, yea, mom, community college is great, I still want to be a mortician and I cut a little girl to bits this week."
In other not-positive news:
1. It's snowing and cold. That's not necessarily bad. In fact, I rather like the weather. What I don't like is (we can probably all chime in together since I bitch about this every year) . . . Halloween. I'm not a candy fan. I'm not a dress up fan. I'm certainly not a fan of making the world any MORE full of creeps, zombies or scary things than it already is. I mean, really, we have real life creeps dressed up like Romney, Obama AND that psycho 17-year old child butcher, so HOW can it possibly be fun to put a scary mask on and intentionally try to scare people. Call me a cupcake, I don't care. I don't like to be scared. Oh yea, back to the cold weather. I also don't like designing cheap Halloween costumes over snow coats. Grrrr. Let's all sing this song together now . . . it's beginning to look a lot like . . Halloween.
2. Christmas. The whole damn idea of the season has me on edge. I wish there were an opt out button. I don't want to this year. I don't want to buy gifts, I don't want to play Christmas. I don't want company in my house, yours, mine, or otherwise. Especially family. I don't want to do, really, ANY part of it. Well, except the pumpkin pie and the winter break from school. That whole admission also has me on edge. My mom is stressing me out a little over Christmas. I know she may read this. It's okay. Remember, my honesty curse. MOTH's parents are also stressing me out over Christmas. That may wind it's way back to them. It's okay. Again, I say, remember my honesty curse. We might all be a little more healthy if we had the free range to admit to each other's faces, "you're stressing me out."
Plus, I'm frustrated.
Have you ever met one of those annoyingly chipper people in your life? The kind that just naturally makes lemonade when they are handed lemons. I'm talking about the smile through excruciating pain, reframe the negative, game face kind of people that just never seem, well, for lack of a better word . . . down.
Well, I'm one of those people. I'm aware of it. I am annoyingly positive. I am the constant reframer. I'm the silver lining girl. I just AM. I don't try. It's one of my most authentic traits. I don't get rattled when things don't go my way . . . I just reframe, make a plan B and carry on. Like I said, it's who I am. In my tight little circle, however, are a handful of (I actually can't decide) negative nellies OR people who are NORMAL, it's just that I'm so annoyingly positive that their normalcy even seems negative. At any rate, within my life of unavoidable people, there are at least two critical team members that are just bummers in most cases. I'm thinking I should protect their names. But suffice it to say, that last night, I finally got openly frustrated at being the bridge. I'm exhausted and tired and bummed out about ALWAYS being in the role of re-framing, looking for positive, helping pull through. I think I'll let my negative nellies stew in their own juice today. I'm tired of giving, giving, giving and feeling the life is being sucked out of me every second of every day. I want a break from giving. I want to let myself heal . . physically and mentally.
That sums up my ick post. I'll be back to the silver lining girl in a few hours and may try to churn out something positive. Please, psycho killers inspired by Criminal Minds . . . stay away.