Wednesday, March 21, 2012

From May 2011 to Now . . .

I'm not really sure where to start.

I guess I'll dive right into the middle.  It might require going back to tell history.  Or skipping forward to set goals, but this is the point . . .

This blog is about me.  Little old me.  There have been and always will be some blogger-taboo topics.  One of them is my diet-slash-exercise-slash-fitness-slash-weight-loss goals, attitude, plan.  I said earlier this year that I was planning to break that taboo.  And, well, today is the day.

First, though, let me be clear.  I think that when other people read about one's above stated topics, their reactions are all over the map.  Any reader should now know and repeat frequently that:

(1) I'm not an expert and I don't claim to be;
(2) I'm not in it to put down (gee, we women are hard enough on ourselves with no outside help from others);
(3) I'm not Jillian Michaels.  I'm not any of my inspiration folks.  I'm just me.  I struggle with my own very unique sets of ups, downs and inside-outs.  I'm just me.
(4) Blogging my successes (Lord, I pray), should not make a reader feel WORSE.  I say that because I've been so pissy about reading fitness brags from other folks.  Nothing hacks me and bangs my jealous bone like reading a facebook post from one of my super-cute, uber-skinny, bikini-wearing hot mom friends that says, "My Daily Mile:  I just ran 14.2 miles and it felt great."  I just picture myself limping along, cursing like a sailor, repeating I-think-I-can, I-think-I-can, while my body shuts down completely and tears stream down my face in defeat and disgust . . .  just before the ONE mile mark.  Okay, so I've gotten over some of that, enough to be brave enough to celebrate my own victories.  Please don't throw tomatoes at my blog.  I'm proud of you for being you, no matter what size and no matter how you've fallen . . or how many times.  You'll get back up.  You must.  We all do. Because we all must.

And now, the goal . . . .

My goal with this, as with so many other things in my life, is child-focused.  Yea, yea, the folks with no-kids scold me for losing myself to motherhood.  It's who I am.  Nothing will teach you to eat well and place value on your own health like having a daughter who is mimicking your every move.  And the first time your little tiny little perfect piece of thirty-six pound three year old turns and looks over her shoulder into a full-length mirror, gazes introspectively and says, "mommy, do you think I'm fat?", I promise you . . . you won't feel the same way.  I promise you.  So, yes, one of my primary motivators for getting healthy, losing weight, whatever you want to call it, is my kids, it's also me.  My daughters mimic every move I make.  If it's chicken salads with dressing on the side, I better order four.  If it's cheeseburgers with a side of fries, order four of those too.  This is a no brainer.  Which would you pick?

Okay.  History established.  Here's the deal.  Gasp.  I'm about to reveal my numbers.

My go-hot date was May 24, 2011.  Why?  I don't know.  It was the day I picked on the calendar.  I had done the research, I was mentally ready.  So, for me, that was my "go-live" date.  I woke up, weighed myself and said goodbye to that number.  On May 24, 2011, I weighed 168.    I'm 5'4" tall.  That's a BMI of 28.8.  Solidly in the "overweight" category.

I digress.  Overweight is not a word I like.  Not at all.  I fiddled with the online BMI calculator enough to figure out that I was, at that time, closer to "obese" than "normal".  Eeek.  And I have never thought of myself as obese.  The word obese goes with folks on the biggest loser or on My 600-Pound Life.  I'm an active, kick-ball playing mom that's on the go all the time.  Obese is SO, very not me.   Still, the label stuck and my first goal was to get myself out of that category.  

I'm closing this post with a high note.  As of my dad's death, which was January 20, 2012, I was at 147. A total weight loss of 21 pounds.  147, incidentally, was my target weight.  It is still in the "overweight" category, according to BMI, but like all heavy women, "I'm big boned and have a lot of muscle."  For me, that's actually quite true.  I'm build like a middle linebacker and have some pretty dense muscle.  Always have, always will.  Which just goes to show you that it's not about the label.  It's not about the number.  It's about buying the Buckle jeans that make you feel great.  And, for me, (for JUST me), losing weight is about SO much more than being skinny.  It's about SO, SO, SO much more than being thin.

More posts coming on diet and exercise, for as of today, I have surely broken the silence . . .

8 comments:

Maisy said...

After your previous post...I went to the Buckle. The jeans were amazing. I felt stylish, sexy and fit. I didn't buy though. Not sure if I am ready for the lower cut, hot-mama look or if I still fall in the high rise Talbots look. Still considering going back... Funny how we hold ourselves back.

Keep up the healthful lifestyle. One day at a time!

Elle said...

Hey Maisy . . . .

More of my two-cents . . . .

I think your answer is in the adverbs you chose . . . you said you felt, "stylish, sexy and fit." None of those words came before "high rise Talbots" . . . .

Finding a denim with the right rise is like the quest for the perfect purse. If you find the right rise . . . buy it in every color! You can always play down your 'hot mama-ness' with a Talbots top, if that's your style . . .

Go back. May the force be with you. But give yourself time to make a guilt free purchase. When I bought my jeans, I wore them out of the dressing room, paid, and walked to the mall trashcan, where I decidedly deposited my "fat jeans."

Elle said...

Adverbs.
Adjectives.

Both.

All.

Winter said...

I completely agree. My daughters...particularly my 11 yr old who said she was ugly one day with tears streaming down her beautiful, freckled, Irish, princess face, are a huge part of the reason I decided to get healthy. Another is that I'm nearly 40 and my son is 5...doing the math in my head says I NEED to do better than I am right now.

I have always had a broad frame. I was told at 13 I was "made for bearing children" with my wide set hips and strong shoulders, dense bones etc. (Incidentally, mom changed Dr.s Immediately. Who says that to a 13 yr old?).

It's awesome that you are going to blog about your journey BECAUSE it's more than being thin or fitting the American ideal or swatever. I really look forward to reading and gleaning from what you have learned.

Elle said...

Oh, Winter . . . you make me laugh out loud.

Right. Who says that to a 13 year old? Someone with a mommy-size palm slap mark on their cheek, that's who. Kudos to your mom . . .

AZ Girl said...

Oh Honey, we need to talk. As a certified personal trainer for 17 years...I may help shed some light on your BMI and other helpful hints. Also knowing you since what...kindergarden....I think I know your body pretty well. I will send you an email later tonight. First thing I want you to do is throw that freaking BMI chart out...its bullshit!

Homestead said...

1. I wish we had a Buckle. Maisy... go buy the damn jeans.. get two pairs. Life is too short to wear Talbot jeans. Then wear them with funky boots and lots of turquoise jewelry.

2. I have a theory. Something about you have to be ok with the body you have but then be ok with wanting to change it. And it can never be about "dropping weight"... it must be about getting healthy or getting comfortable or something realistic.

3. You've always had the cutest body... in my opinion. Compact gymnast body.

4. FIVE FOOT FOUR!!!! No wonder we go so well together. Um & Yon. Yin & Yang. Mutt & Jeff.

5. I have discovered I don't mind being overweight. I am big and bold and can use my size to my advantage in the male-dominated situations I often find myself in. What I don't like is the muffin top. And getting tired chasing the kids on skis. So that's my motivation now.

6. Also. I think it has always been easier for me because I've never had a great body. I was built like a telephone pole. Now I'm more of a brick shithouse. And I've always had to compensate for the twisted and s-shaped spine.

7. BMI charts are dumb. According to the charts I'm barely overweight and we all know that isn't true. And, according to the charts, my SON is overweight. WTF?

M&Co. said...

You go, girl! My weight loss stalled out last year, about the time I hurt my knee (or when they decided we needed to do something about my knee) and while I've not put a whole lot back on, I've not taken a whole lot off. So, I'm feeling discouraged. But every day is a new day.