Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Bad News. The Good News.

I've been a hermit. 
Pain has that effect from time to time.

So, to rewind . . . .

Thursday was rotten.  Friday, I was in panic-mode.  Saturday was more bad than good, and things began to turn around on Sunday.  Much better.  Still, I kept the MRI appointment on  Monday and spent 40 minutes in the magnet tube, deep breathing, trying not to flinch or scratch my nose and imagining this MUST be what it is like to be buried alive.  Very scary in the tube.  It's quite small.  And I'm not THAT big of a person.  I kept the appointment with my handsome, nice-sock-wearing, jazzy-tie-sporting spine specialists on Tuesday morning.  Mimi was adorable during the wait, and the appointment -- and didn't insist on being carried anywhere.  (That's bad, huh, to be seen for back pain and show up toting a 35 pound toddler, while you maintain, "No, really, I hardly EVER lift her!!" )

He started the conversation with, "Bad news first or good news." 

I said, "Well, when you kick it off that like, some bad news has already been shared.  Stay on track."

Anyhoo . . . . The good news is that he didn't send me straight over to the hospital for pre-op lab work.  He also didn't call in a psych consult, slap me into a straight jacket and call my husband to pick me up on the other side of the Cookoo's Nest.   What COULD be interpreted as good news:  prescriptions.  Bad news:  I have a bad back.  In the grand scheme of things, really bad.  I herniated another disc.  That's bad.  If I stopped there, that would be enough bad.  But the BAD news is that the disc that herniated is (and I quote him here), "One of the healthiest, best looking discs" in my back.    I was trying to hold back tears and stay strong as he delivered the "how to deal with this diagnosis" and "how to live, travel and be active", but it's taken a day for the forever-ness and the daunting-ness of it to really sink in. 

Big, giant bummer.  That's what today feels like.  And I'm sore.  And a wee-bit grumpy.   

And there  . . . . is the good news/bad news update.  Har-humph.

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