Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tell me .. . .

It happened like this:

I was in Middle's room helping her pick up, put away . . organize ... a weekly occurance here at best. During our summer-time, mandatory "QT" (Quiet Time) -- all kinds of wonderous events can happen in her room. This is the time when kleenex morphs to arts & crafts, popsicle sticks get stuck to walls, the sticker maker smokes from overuse . . . you get the picture.

So in the middle of pick up, the drama-mom (my debut appearance in 9 years of mothering) came out.

My hands flew to cover my gaping mouth.
My breath drew in sharp (like my mother's did during driver's training).
I turned sharply away.

And the words that came out ....

OH . . . MY .... . GOODNESS ... . . MIDDLE . . . . TELL . . . . ME . . . THAT . . . . YOU . . . DID . . . NOT . . .CARVE . . . YOUR . . . NAME . . . INTO . . . THE . .. HARDWOOD . . . OF . . . YOUR . . . DOOR!!!

She bats her lashes . . . "no, momma, I didn't carve it . . . . I just scratched it in REAL deep with a super-sharp paperclip end."

And that lamaze breathing comes in handy . . . he-he-he-wooo. He-he-he-wooo.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I still have the sound of waves roaring in my ears . . .

And this is funny to me:

Children writing about the ocean:


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an ass hole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14)- The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

I love the ocean.


For a girl born and raised in the mountains, I sure love the ocean.

For a girl who can't swim very well, I sure love the ocean.


Here's a snapshot from my most recent business trip to Southern Califonia.


Have I said how much I love the ocean??

Monday, August 11, 2008