Saturday, August 25, 2007

I can't believe I never posted this .. .

Go ahead. Leave a comment. Tell me how FLIPPIN' adorable this child is!!!

Speak no evil, see no evil .. Wait, they are evil!!

So Little covered his eyes instead of his mouth -- such direction all in one photo setting must be so confusing. Can anyone else see the shadow of little devil horns poking out of their noggins?

Now, THIS is engorgement!!

For all you mammas out there who have suckled children and been through the aches and pains of stretching boobage and engorgement .. . here's the photo that captures how you have felt.

When Daddy Lets Me Drive . . .

Dinner Distress

Please send your favorite easy, simple, fail-proof kid friendly dinner recipes to me. I'm begging.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

They love dolls but . . . .

They love dolls, but . . .

Who wouldn't love to play with fuzzley, soft pooches who actually let you dress them up and ride them around in a stroller.

Heck, I remember the Australian Shepard my family had as a kid. Her name was Bounce. I can still see my mom's face through the kitchen window, shaking her head as she looked outside to see Bounce sitting in an old high chair, bib tied on, eating spaghetti off of a fork.

The Happy Crack

Friday, August 17, 2007

Oreo Cakesters

Have you tried these?

If yes, and you aren't blogging about them .. something is jacked with your taste buds.

If not, go get them. Go now. And go fast.

They are delicious! Not so fond of the chocolate cream ones - but the others are to die for .. total TBO!

Thursday, August 16, 2007


Middle met me in the hallway at 6:20 this morning hopping up and down and asking, "is it time yet??"

I woke Big with a light shake and a "good morning, 2nd grader!" Her eyes popped open & she was out of bed and moving towards pancakes in under 2 minutes.

Breakfast down, school clothes on, teeth brushed, hair combed and backpacks on . . we started the walk to school right on time.

Big lined up with the big kids and said, "I'm good, Mom, go ahead with Middle to the kindergarten playground."

Middle and I went to kindergarten where she dropped her backpack like a veteran and went to play. As time drew nearer to go inside, she came closer and closer -- eventually leaning on me to "people watch" and figure out which kids were "way scared", "sort of scared", or "cool cucumbers." She categorized herself as a "sort of scared", but never dropped a tear or shuddered. When the bell rang, she lined up, managed to follow all the directions to unload her backpack, find her coathook, get inside and sit on the carpet! Yeah . . . . MAJOR first day victory, man!!

I sniffled a touch (who wouldn't!) .. through The Kissing Hand .. and snarfed back a tear when she came to give me MY Kissing Hand ... but promised to be back to hear about her day. And off she went .. LIKE SUCH A BIG KID!!

Ah, and then I came home for my DATE with the most handsome 3 year old in the world. I let him pick our "date location". He's a good man, ladies. We went to Wal-Mart, and came home for leftover spaghetti and to "play trains." Then, went for a walk, had a snack and picked up the girls. He also managed to poop outside today -- and by the time I got there to clean it up, it had magically disappeared. UGH! It's a day to love AND hate your dog (and no kisses, please!) But, that's another story, I suppose, eh?

A good day!!

And now, homework is DONE! Parent packs are complete and planners are signed. Tomorrow is RED day in Kindergarten, so Middle has filled her paper sack with red things, picked a red shirt to wear, along with red unders and socks . . set those out, and is now eyeball deep in dress up with Big and Little.

Here are my 1st day of school kids . . all hollering "SCHOOL IS COOL!!"

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

School starts in 10 hours

School starts in 10 hours.

Our backpacks are hung on our launch pad hooks with care.
There is a new pack of tissues and a new chapstick in each.
We've tested walkie talkies and have a plan for walking and meeting.
We've gone to the social, met our teachers and dropped off our supplies.

Hair is washed.
Books are read.
School clothes are picked.

Yeah, hooray . .. . school starts in 10 hours.

The last swim shots of summer

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Countdown to School . . . . 8 days to go

I'm counting down. They are counting down. There is a sense of excitement and urgency here. Big uses "school starting" as the crutch for all things. From haircuts to bed moving and room cleaning .. . fish tank cleaning and tying up loose ends of things left undone in the summer. Middle is so excited. She is practicing packing her backpack and making sure the sling really does slip over her head . . . and that, yes, her chapstick and tissue are within reach, she's occupied for a large chunk of the morning.

Today, we had walkie talkie review and practice.
Today, we got haircuts and bought new olive oil conditioner.
Today, we finished our terrarium and spent an inordinate amount of time maiming, but NOT killing a fly -- such that our venus fly trap could be nourished. This, my friends, is a difficult task. Next, I think we'll try an ant.
Today, we bought lunch packing supplies at Sam's club. Middle wants a "sub-site" sandwich in her lunch. Tee hee. This is like most mom's tenderly recollect that their kid couldn't say 'spaghetti'. Mine can't say "sub sandwich".

Today, the carpet man came and cleaned the high traffic areas.
Today, we dog-sat for our neighbor up the street. Which meant ALOT of time throwing a tennis ball.
Today, we watched lightening, listened for thunder, and counted with "mississippi's and alligators".
Today, we went shopping, mailed a letter, went to the bank and ate pizza.
Today, Little had a run-in with scissors and chopped a hole in his shirt. Guilty, guilty, guilty ... but even my intense scolding cooled off quicky, when, after the fact .. . . . I saw him threading his, ehem, penile unit through the hole in attempt to pee. Perfect placement of the hole, if, indeed, that was his mision.
Today, we had a lip-sync contest in the living room. The kids are singing into spoons. I wonder why there are none in the drawer. Ah, because microphones don't belong in the silverware drawer, of course!!
Today, I finalized a new contract, worked on PTA, planted a mum and tranplanted some creeper. I made some phone calls, did 4 puzzles, played BOTH Uno and Candyland, cleaned the sink upstairs, did a couple of loads of laundry and cleaned that gungy stuff off of the window. We told funny stories about breastfeeding children in public places and looked at baby books. We made spaghetti, ate it ALL and had Junior Mints (they ARE creamy and delicious!!) for dessert. YUM!!

Today, we lived in ALOT of moments .. and it was SO FUN!!!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

A Lesson

Webster's says this:

A·sian /ˈeɪʒən, ˈeɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ey-zhuhn, ey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
1.of, belonging to, or characteristic of Asia or its inhabitants. –noun
2.a native of Asia.

o·ri·en·tal (ôr'ē-ěn'tl, ōr'-) Pronunciation Key adj.
Oriental Of or designating the biogeographic region that includes Asia south of the Himalaya Mountains and the islands of the Malay Archipelago.
Lustrous and valuable: oriental pearls.
Of or relating to a genuine or superior gem: an oriental ruby.
Relating to or designating corundum that resembles another stone in color.

But, here is the simple rule that I know and have grown up with.

Asians are the people. Oriental is the word used to describe rugs and vases (or pearls and gems .. as webster's says).

This, I imagine is tricky .. for lots of people .... and I admit it. But, to an Asian . . it totally matters. It's sort-of the equivelant of generalized comments on blond haired, blue eyed kids. Sure, the may have grown up in the Bronx, but they are FROM Switzerland, right? See, how ludicrous that seems when you turn it around???

Food -- is Asian. (ie . . What kind of food do you want? This is simlar to Mexican vs Spanish.) The answer is Asian. Unless, of course, you want to be MORE specific . . . in which case, it's safe to answer "Japanese", "Chinese", "Korean", or "Thai" . . but none of those fall into the broad (and wrong) category of "oriental food."

Rugs -- are oriental.
Vases -- are oriental.
Purses -- those are oriental, too.
Emperors -- those are Asian.
Cute kids -- those are Asian.
Wifes, mothers, girlfriends -- those are Asian. An "oriental"girlfriend. That's a misnomer and it makes the speaker sound like a ding a ling.

Ok, then ... . whew .. .lookout below .. I'm comin' down off of this soapbox. And, yes, I'm going to lay my ASIAN body down on an ORIENTAL rug and gaze lovingly at my ASIAN children (each of which is wearing clothing made in the ORIENT. Yep, trust me.. I read the tags so I wouldn't be dubbed a "liar" (again!)

Shark Week

It's Sharkweek on Discovery channel.

Challenge: Does anyone think I could blast MOTH's backside off of the couch. I'm entertaining suggestions. Between Sharkweek and XBox Ultimate Avengers, I'm nearly certain that his fanny is becoming anastamosed to the fibers of the couch.

Tonight, he is watching Sharkman ... and learning how to put a Great White into a tonic state. They come at the Sharkman ... (directly toward the crotch, I might add . . which is clearly dangerous . . oh, nevermind .. we've lost perspective .. because . .. . well -- there is a man in the water with a freakin' GREAT WHITE SHARK!!) Hello, people... did y'all not see "Jaws"??

Anyway . . . .tonic state. A great irony. It appears that merely watching Sharkman has worked on MOTH!! He's learning about it. May I request that you go back and read the anastamosed to the couch portion. Complete the visual image by picturing the remote frozen in mid-air in one hand and his mouth hanging agape.

The Human Wrecking Ball

A woman called my son this today.

If I (the mommy) would have said that . . . it would be okay.
If MOTH (the daddy) would have said that . . it would be okay.
If a handful of the women people in my life would have said that . .. it would probably be okay.

But from this woman ... it was NOT okay.

I came home pissy and stomping, feeling judged . . . undervalued ... misunderstood .. and mostly -- DEFENSIVE.

What the hell, I say . . . . what woman dares say that about my sweet, young, charming, bipolar pretender when she's known him all of, ehem ...11 minutes.

Truth: his batmobile did bump your coffee. Here's a hint from the Handbook of Parenting by the Path of Least Resistance: Don't your damn coffee in the path of the Batmobile. Who IS the adult here???

Truth: he did go upstairs. BUT -- he asked politely and in his squeaky sweet voice first ...TO THE HOMEOWNER .. "can I go upstairs now?"

Truth: he (we) a combination of he and I .... toppled a small mum in very dry soil. Another hint: if you want the children to take the tiny ex-centerpiece with them ON THE WAY OUT ... please don't present them with this lovely gift until it is time to go.

Back to my soapbox about choices.

Don't offer a child Diet Soda if what you can provide is milk or water. Don't even say, "what do you want to drink, honey?" . . . NO .. .NO . . NO .. the choices are endless . . . and surely, they will order a margarita on the rocks with extra salt. If Milk and Water are the choices, the say, "MILK OR WATER?"

Don't put your fine china on the bottom shelf of the pantry and simply hope the teapot doesn't get trampled. Don't put your full-to-the-brim coffee in the path of the Batmobile.

It's been nearly 12 hours -- and, yes, fellow mothers and blog readers -- I'm still a tad pissy and a tad defensive. Grr, hiss . . I say.

Clarification has been requested

Man Of The House

He's the man I married, the spousal unit.