Saturday, January 27, 2007

Gimme a Mission, Homestead.

It's Saturday night and I'm in the mood for sortin' . . . hope it lasts until Monday . . . your turn to pick.

Barnyard

We watched Barnyard (the movie) tonight for traditional MOVIE NIGHT & popcorn.

I'm bothered.

The boy cows have udders.

The girl cows have udders and bows (on their heads, not their udders.)

Contemplating cow udders. I think I understand that from the creator of this movie, young viewers might not want to see, heck, might be permanently damaged by boy cows and bulls riding motorcyles and walking on their hind legs, if their God-given boy-parts were hanging out.

But, on the other hand, even Little said, "Mom, the boy cows don't have dingers."

So, which is better? Having anatomically incorrect cattle or pre-paying into a therapy fund for toddlers? Or best, yet . . how about we just put the cows front legs down on the ground where they belong?

We don't go out to dinner very often because . . . .

a. It's too expensive.
b. Even the quickest waiter or waitress is slow when you are entertaining 3 little people . . . . even with crayons.
c. Water or milk doesn't sound good when you really need a shot of bourbon and a chaser from the tap.
d. Strange people always come sit at our table . . . hmmm . . . weirdos gravitate toward us.
e. Middle flops around in the booth and the man behind her develops a nervous tick as he repeatedly turns around to glare.
f. Little stands up in the booth and shouts, "VAGINA!"
g. By meal's end, they are all under the table searching for extra crayons and MOTH and I are looking across the booth at each other, looking like we are in a war zone.
h. These words, spoken four times through the course of supper, "I have to go potty again."

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Vowel-Named & One-Syllable-Named Kids


A snapshot from the recent visit. The Vowel Kids and The One Syllable Kids clumped on the sofa, after vigorous, downright exhausting games of Hide & Seek and Eye-Spy.

To their momma: They are lovely children and gave me hope! I truly hope to have pre-teens as well mannered and caring as yours. I've never met a teen-age boy who is more talkative, opinionated and driven than "Vowel I". Big and Middle are still talking about dancing and how beautiful she is . . . they are practicing basic addition to figure out how many more years until they are as old as "Vowel E"!!

I REALLY enjoyed spending time with them . . and, well . . YOU, too!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Tonight . . .

Dinner here goes like this:

I make it . . they eat it . . and while I clean up . . Big picks up toys . . . Middle picks up Shoes . . Little makes a pile of laundry to go upstairs. Then, they have a couple other random chores and prep-stuff for next day.

Tonight, we finished that hulla-ba-loo, and I sent them upstairs with these instructions, "get naked and everybody pee . . I'll be there in a minute to do bathtime." And, as I neared the top of the stairs, GALES of laughter were coming from the loo. Cackling . . . cooing . . they were snorting and rolling on the ground.

Big was on the can.
Middle was laughing so hard she couldn't stand.
They had convinced Little to whiz in the dog bowl.

This week . . .

. . . Is filing cabinet and tax document preparation week. If you are organizing and simplyifying on the 2007 plan or would just like to play this game with me and HOMESTEAD, it's the week to shred what needs shreddin', bundle what needs bundlin' and make a pile for taxes. Homestead says it's also the week to run your annual credit report and find out if you still have active charge cards at ridulous places like Victoria's Secret or Best Buy. If you do, either close them or ask for better coupons.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Of this, I am certain . . . .

No matter how many hours I log as a nurse or mother . . . .
No matter how many hineys I wipe, keisters I cleanse . . .

Nothing adequately prepares one for the actual moment of unsuspected vomiting.

Not even the most subtle sign;
The roll of a tummy or sly smelly burp --
Can prepare one for the projectile launch of milk curds and food shrapnel.

Those tiny little hands that fly up to the mouth in a sweetheart effor to catch it all . . and what?
Put it back? Hold it? Those little hands in front of a force like that . . . . it's like putting gauze in front of a semi . . . two more things to clean . . . .


So, what have ya'll been doing this weekend?

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Week in Review (or maybe more??)

Happy Feet is a good kid movie . . . for those of you needing therapy or anti-anxiety meds after picking your cuticles and biting your fingers through Finding Nemo.

Potty training is fun. My son has bad aim and can't seem to make the juices flow standing up. Hmm. A side effect of older sisters??

Pre-school is fun. We say it's the children that are in the adjustment, but their lonely mother might beg to differ. How long is this adjustment period? I keep thinking I've left a child in the dog food row or abandoned them in a shopping cart.

Eddie Bauer's winter sale is worth visiting.

February has the potential to really BITE in the work world. This weekend, two staff resigned. Power punch to the gut. And waiting to see if the schedule fills in will be the death of me.

I like Quick Quack car wash.

Big is selling Girl Scout Cookies. There is actually a Cookie Manager from the troop (a mom, that is . . . ). When I look into my future with Brownies and Girl Scouts, I can't help but wonder if I'll be wearing the Captain Cookie Cape in a few years. Would anyone like to support the troop with a Cookie purchase? (Thanks already to Aunt CB and the G'mas).

Great purchases this week: hooks for each kid's backpack, new uniform shoes for middle (I think the left one of the white pair and the right one of the black pair really are in a drift), a bag of grapefruit and THE perfect wine rack.

Contemplating Candles and Candle Holders

That's this week's task. Organize candles and candle holders. If you have white ones that you stored with red ones, put them on top so you burn them for Valentine's day. The goal this week is to burn and pitch at least one spent candle. Categorize the rest. Keep what needs keeping, add at least one arm-load to the donation box, and put the ones with bad stink in the re-gifting bin. If you have holders with wax, put them in the freezer and pop them apart. Run stuff thru the washer if it's grimey.

Hmm. We're SO on top of the simplification resolution . . . .we've done DVD's and VHS tapes . . . AND dishtowels!!

1-21-07 Updated Book List

Anything by Anne Tyler (esp. The Accidental Tourist); Elizabeth Berg (Talk Before Sleep), Anna Quindlen (Black and Blue) and Jan Karon (The Whole Mitford Series)

The Bluest Eye -- (1-15-07)
A Girl Named Zippy (again)

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Glass Castle, The Wedding, The Care and Keeping of Husbands, The Red Tent, The Kite Runner, Patricia Cornwell Books and Janet Evanovich (the numbers books), Nicholas Sparks & Richard Paul Evans books -- also Rosemunde Pilcher (anything)

Friday, January 12, 2007

More on resolutions . . AND . . .

More resolution stuff:

I REALLY LOVE THIS ONE . . . very similar to my own: "about resolutions, my usual resolution is to look back at the year and see if there is any "stuff" I've left behind, stuff I don't like about my life, whether it be things I wanted to change about myself, my situation, people, job,............I really like it when I can see that I am no longer that, or no longer have to deal with that............then I really challenge myself to look forward and make knew assesments and gear towards making things even better . . ."

Here is another one similar to my own: "My resolution for 2007 is to continue to simplify."

Together, Ms. Simplification and I are tackling household pruning. This week is dishtowels. Anyone willing to join the ride with us? The goal is to toss, pitch and sort dishtowels this week. Pitch what needs pitching. Designate some as rags. Hang on to what you must have and find a nice, orderly way to store them all. (Oh, Homestead, we are in this together . . . I read your blog and I see that VHS and DVD storage and organization is next . . I'm on board.)

Also . . . I'm reading all of YOUR stuff and have hereby designated myself keeper of the book list. Mostly, because I want to read them. Here are preliminary responses:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (added 1/12/07 by residents in the mid-west)
The Glass Castle (a family favorite, added 1/12/07)
The Wedding (added 1/12/07 by Elle)
The Care and Keeping of Husbands (added 1/12/07 by Elle)
The Red Tent, The Kite Runner, anything Rosamunde Pilcher, and for the best laugh out loud, laugh yourself to tears even, A Girl Named Zippy. (1/12/07 by the one with the boy fetus in-dwelling)

I also really enjoy a medically twisted slasher with a female heroine . . . . Any Patricia Cornwell, but the early ones are certainly better, and the Tess Gerritson series. For a good laugh, I sure do like the Numbers Books . . "One for the Money . . . etc . ." but can't for the life of me remember who the author is. Also like the Nicholas Sparks books (The Wedding is my fave) and the Richard Paul Evans books.

Yee-Haw and Yahoo!!

It's working . . . it's working . . it's working.

My theory on potty training is this: They do it when they damn well want to, but it doesn't hurt to have nice incentives and fancy bribes.

For several weeks, there has been talk of a new "waacecar" when he decides to go on the potty. We talk timing, we practice the prep, we walk the walk and pretend . . all the right steps with no tinkle.

Today, he whizzed on the potty. Which, depsite the fact that we were headed out the door, stopped the earth from spinning to have the potty training party. New Racecar. Call to dad. We were about to call G'ma, when he says, "how do I get another racecar?"

"Go on the potty again," I told him.
"I have that funny feeling," he says.

And we go . . . . . . repeat paragraph number 2 -- potty party, new racecar, call to dad, about to call G'ma . . . and . . . "I have that funny feeling."

And we go . . . is this becoming comical to anyone but me?? Anybody who knows my incredibly small bladder and ability to urinate on command would know that this IS, indeed, a genetic possibility.

All told, we have four consecutive, SUCCESSFUL visits to the potty, FOUR new racecars, FOUR potty parties and one dry pull-up.

Yee-haw and Yahoo!!

Women Need Women

This is part of a forwarded email that was nice, and, actually worth reading. It's against my personal creed to forward emails, but here is a slice of the nice:

Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end. BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you ...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

MacGvyer Mom

I'm proud of myself. It happened like this: I was at the UPS store with Big, Middle and Little to mail a couple of packages, buy some stamps and do a couple of retail stops in the same strip mall. In transit, Little fell asleep . . . . so . . . . I parked, unloaded the tribe, gave a package to Big to transport inside, gave a package to Middle to transport in, threw essentials in my jacket pocket, and carried sleeping Little in.

Little can sleep through most anything, so I had him resting on my leg as I filled out paperwork. Middle announced. "I need to whiz." (She's eloquent, you know.)

Hmm . . Survey the scene: I'm the only one in the store, bathroom door in sight. I say, "Big, take Middle to the potty. I'll be there when I finish filling out this paperwork." And they are off. I see them go in, I see the door close.

Moments later, Big emerges. Comes to me. Whispers, "she needs you."

(Little still sleeping), I haul him back to the potty to discover that Big has locked Middle in the John. Middle can hear the discussion on the other side of the door and begins to whimper. I attempt to hold sleeping Little and coax Middle off the Can to come unlock the door, but, no deal (she says it's too messy and she can't drag it around.) I spy a paperclip.

Time stands still and Big's jaw drops. I McGvyer'd Middle out of the locked John with a paperclip and an Eddie Bauer Utili-Key while holding sleeping Little.

Wiped things up, mailed the packages, paid, left the store with sweat on my brow right as Little woke up, saw the Baskin Robbins sign and proclaims, "we need ice cream."

Amen, I saw to them all. I'll take two scoops.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Those Days . . .

Back to school for Big today. So Little and Middle and I set out to clear a track in the basement so Little could drive the new Lightening McQueen car in a circle. (Darn these blizzards, anyway!)

Check out "If you give a mouse a cookie" or "If you give a moose a muffin".

Read it.

Today, I am "If you give a mom a mission."

Clearing that track in the basement led to the biggest rearrangement imaginable. I discovered the worlds largest cache of petrified playdoh. The missing racecars have been located. Photo have been stashed, bins have been labeled. Work stuff has been stowed, bed stripped, sheets changed (not that I'm having company, but I don't like naked beds), the ebay pile continues to grow and the goodwill bag is popping at the seams.

Grunt. I am woman: see me throw dinner in the crockpot, go to Big's school, go to Middle's school (where Little starts TOMORROW . . EEK), drop off a load of goodwill, hit the bank, bust through a bulk mailing, stay on top of email, read the Incredibles book for the 6th time today and finish folding the 4th load of laundry. See me do homework, practice spelling words, run through math mastery AND post a blog.

Yee haw! I shout from the rooftops! Yee haw! Mom's should have days like this! I raise my juice box to you ALL!!

The Hagler Elves

Friday, January 05, 2007

Here is what you said . . .

"Resolutions are for the weak minded!!!"

"I make personal, private goals for myself all the time . . then if i don't stick with it, I don't have to admit it to anyone but myself."

"I'm much too lazy for resolutions. Iyam what Iyam."

"Don't do em."

"I make a big one to lose weight, and consistently fail."

"A few years ago, I resolved to stop doing resolutions."

One of you is taking practical steps to resolve attainable things . . like tracking for the sake of budgeting. Somebody says they forget their resoution by the 2nd. Most of you said something about wanting a resolution about weight loss (really) . . . but there seems to be no success, therefore we avoid the whole thing. Ahh, this IS a resolution on its own, don't you think? It just doesn't have the name "resolution!" . . . . I'm still pondering this situtation.